Black Lovet

Miss Trememdous Pressure is back.

My dad calls me that.

Went out today for a haircut (horrid), derm appt (with a PIG), dyed my hair (No color), walked around town with my sister and mother…

Bought all sorts of neccessitites… Why does something still not feel quite right?

Someone should write a book on how to adapt back. I mean…. firstly, my room is so much smaller than the apartment in Munich. I now have to hear things about my family that i dont want to know about at all… I actually have to attend to my handphone (in Munich, i didnt really touch it) ….. God, I left behind a year of really having the freedom to be ME.

Totally great to see family and frens, but its like I just suddenly threw away a year of a life that I never thought i could ever survive through. Its hard to put into words the sense of emptiness i’m feeling. I wish i could look into that huge window of our Munich apartment and bitch abt mas’ frens. I suddenly wish I could see Marienplatz; the free performances along the walk ways, the fresh smell of nuts and bread, the blondies, the calm demeanour, the sense that i make my own decisions totally unaffected by anyone. Such freedom is just so so so priceless.

Pardon the way i feel. pls…. i just am finding it difficult to adjust back… i thought that the food would totally make it better but it did not….

Munich Munich…. maybe one day i will be able to return?

How its simplicity, endurance, patience and calmness goes through me.

I will fight to keep all the lessons learnt within me. I just hope i dont get caught up in the craziness of it all.

Not this consumerism, not this rush.